So post Labor Day, back to school time has arrived for everyone in the country. A common question many youth workers face? No, not whether if its OK to sneak in a few more wearings of your white shorts. We’re youth workers! A) We don’t care about what to wear when and B) Its never smart for a youth worker to wear anything all-white.
I was thinking more along the lines of what to do with our “post high school” hanger-ons, those graduates who were not part of the mass exodus off to college. You know the type I mean. Its the former student who still keeps showing up…and I’m here to tell you: more often than not? Their presence presents a problem.
What to do? On one hand, its not their fault your church doesn’t have a great college/young adult ministry. I mean, maybe the “hanger-on” will suddenly grow up and be an awesome volunteer with the blink of a magical eye or the turn of a calendar page. One day a student; the next an adult volunteer.
Here’s my take: I learned the HARD way from two guys named Scott and Craig. (Circa 1990: “Youth group just did not meet my needs tonight.” “Well, you’re 19 years old. Its not supposed to.”)
Post grads need to take a year break from your student ministry, whether they’re off to school or stay-at-home members of your church. Otherwise, its too hard for them to make the distinction between what used to be geared towards their needs and what is now not age-appropriate educationally. Its also hard for the still-in-the-group youth to see these “one year off” people as a person in leadership or authority. The 18/19-year old almost always creates more negative dynamics than its worth.
Here’s what I do: I ask them to step away for a year. In advance, I’ve found a few other options for places they can serve in the church. Usually I ask them if they’d like to serve in the children’s area as a step towards their readiness for being on my youth team. I share that when the year is up and they do come back to serve on the youth team, it will be with all the joys and expectations of being an adult.
Its not always an easy conversation, but one that has to happen. At least that’s my two cents worth.
Stephanie
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Stephanie Caro has been involved in ministry to youth and youth workers in the
local church since…well, a long time – 30+ years. Her humorous, straightforward
style keeps her busy presenting and coaching at conferences, training events,
camps, mission trips, retreats, churches, etc. Her latest books are, “Thriving Youth
Ministry in Smaller Churches” and “99 Thoughts for the Smaller Church Youth
Worker,” published by Group/Simply Youth Ministry. Stephanie is a contributing
author to several youth ministry resources in addition to her regular
column “Smaller Church Youth Ministry” in Group Magazine. Stephanie is a lead
consultant for Mark DeVries’ Youth Ministry Architects and the Director for their
new division, Small Church Ministry Architects. She and her hubby, Steve, live in Houston, TX. All 7 kids are grown and out – praise God!
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Stephanie, this is precisely what we do. We discovered that most students come to soon realize they much more prefer being labeled adults and being with other adults as opposed to still being part of a youth group.
Isn’t always pretty and some will walk away from the church, but like you said, its a conversation that has to happen for the sake of your students, your ministry, and the former student.
I agree WHOLEHEARTEDLY. I learned my lesson the hard way too and unfortunately stunted the spiritual growth of a hanger-on. One year away/off gives the students time to see them as adults and vice versa.
One more thing to note, though. I kick out any student over the age of 18. So if you a third year senior, you’re done with youth group. Had an 18-year-old sophomore I once had to “politely” graduate out of my program. Too many legal, ethical and personal dilemnas to handle.
This is a great post that answered some questions I have had. We just had an issue come up of a post grad ( 20 year old) student sneaking around with a 13 year old. We had to remove him and he is now going through Christian counseling. This has raised a ton of questions like….
How old should the youth leader be? ( What’s to young?)
Should they be married? Or over a certain age?
What kind of restrictions do we put into place?
I would love to have you or anyone’s thoughts about these and what you do in your ministry.
Thanks