Stephanie CaroMore PostsLast night’s “Survivor Finale” reminded me of small church ministry politics.

Last night while I was watching the? season finale of Survivor: Heroes vs Villains, I randomly posted how similar it was to? small church politics. My post? led to a plethura of similar sentiments.

Here’s how I see it:?

“Alliances” – As they do in the game, so can alliances? quickly change in a church. And the smaller the tribe (church) is,? the more impact an alliance can have, positive or negative.? SOLUTION: Eliminate your “parking lot? conversations”;? if its a conversation? you don’t want others to hear, than its probably one you shouldn’t be having.

“Tribal Council” – Every church has a leadership board of some kind. The healthy council is one that reserves judgement until they ask questions and hear out the individuals or issues involved. In a church, no one should get voted “off the island,” shunned, rejected.? SOLUTION: Scripture tells us to “bear one another’s burdens” and to “say only those things for lifting one another up.” Oh and there’s that “Love One Another” thing, too.

“Idols” – The final four last night had to walk this journey picking up mementos of fallen comrades who’s gone before.? The names of the rejected were then sacrficed up in this giant idol they set on fire.? Silly and was really just an opp for video footage? on losing? players. In the church? We have idols only they’re more subtle, thus more dangerous. Furniture dedicated by some family 50 years ago that becomes more important than the people who need to sit there. Rooms meant for teaching the Gospel, now dedicated to a narrow use which often excludes a higher and best purpose.? I could ramble on about this one. SOLUTION:? Youth Ministries, save yourself the hassle and respect the sacred cow places while finding productive, honest ways to? make your needs known. Save your battles for the bigger things. Leave the? Ladies Parlor off the rooms? “approved Manhunt places.”?

“Hidden Immunity” – Saundra had a hidden immunity idol she played towards the end of the series which? led to her saving herself? and ultimate win of a million $. In our small churches? We shouldn’t? play financial favorites, giving? hidden immunity to those? who contribute? more, yet? sometimes use their giving as a weapon to getting their way.? ? SOLUTION: In Christ, there is no hidden immunity, only grace. For all. Equally given by God for the taking of the gift. Nothing hidden, nothing unequal.

“The Fire” – This is an easy? connection. Works the same in both the game and our small church. Once the tribes get? fire, they have to protect it at all cost. In fact, maybe the tribal members get it better than we do. The fire is so hard for them to light, that the guard it at all times, feeding it with what it needs. SOLUTION: Maybe our small churches can take a lesson from this: don’t let the fire die out while we get distracted by other less-important things.

What do you think?

Stephanie

TagsComments 1 View Comments May 17, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore PostsCan I squeeze out yet another YM summer?

If you’ve met me, you know I didn’t just get off the youth ministry boat yesterday. I’ve been around the block a coupla few times with zero’s involved.? When I add it up, with variables for different churches served, it looks? something? like this:?

4 denominational youth gatherings, 6 Wilderness Trails, 7 Great Escapes, 8 Fun in the Son, 10 mystery trips, 17 summer camp weeks, 30 VBS’, AND 50+ summer mission trips; many of those? with Group Workcamps. HIGHLY recommended!

Geez, that’s a lot of nights on an air mattress with snoring girls. No wonder I look…ummm… “mature!” Seriously, I wouldn’t change a thing and? have already started my summer YM prep. Here are a few tips for summer survival:

1) Buy yourself a new air mattress every year and make it a good one. Use the battery operated pump, too and take fresh batteries. You only think you’ll have enough energy to blow it up yourself, but you won’t after traveling two days with your kids.

2) One word: Aleve

3) Two words: Ear Plugs

4) Bring less clothes, wear at least twice (inside and out) so there’s room for plenty of clean underwear.

5) The shower alternative? Baby wipes.

6) VITAMINS!!! I take a multi-green uber vitamin and 1000mg of C every day.

7) DO NOT skip your 10 minutes of coffee and quiet time in the a.m. during that magical? time before “the camp” wakes up.

That’s what I do to survive. June and July are the fastest months of the year and I love it!

(I wonder if in 20 years, there’ll be room for my walker in the back of the church van?)

Stephanie

TagsComments 4 View Comments May 14, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore PostsWhat TO do if you quit (or get fired) from your church

A few days ago,? I posted the “what NOT to do” if you find yourself on the outside of your former “church staff”? circle. Whether you resigned for whatever reasons or you were asked to resign, you hold? A LOT of cards? at this juncture. You can make or break the smoothness of the transition throughout the changeover time.? Which in turncan affect teens and their familes in ripple effect ways for years to come. Negative staff transitional times, with all its? back-biting, are often the source of where phrases like, “I can’t stand organized religion” have their roots.? People leave the church in droves? over uproars. Who wants that? on our emotional resumes??

So, here’s what to do if you resign or get fired from a church:

1) Read the “what not to do” post below and then don’t do that any of that stuff.

2) Pretty much plan on finding another church to call home. Sad, but true…its a VERY rare case when you can stay on without? hurting others or you being hurt. People move on and you’ll discover you weren’t indispensable.? Being in a small church makes this even more important since the “elephant in the room” is SO visible.

3) Ask for 3 letters of good reference before signing an agreement to resign. If your leaders are smart, they will want to minimize the damage control so they’ll be pretty eager to do this (unless you did something really dumb, then you’re probably shouldn’t? stay in ym anyway).?

4) Discuss clearly how your departure from the church will be announced to the church and how your office staff will communicate it? on the phone when others call looking for you. (I know the negative side of this first hand! Its a fine line being truth and “inuendo” which leaves others guessing – incorrectly). Hold the leadership accountable to the agreement.

5) Say only GREAT things about who ever is taking over for you whether a volunteer or? new hire. Make? Ephesians 4:29 your mantra.?

6) Give your former youth space. In the first 6 months, some communication is appropriate for their emotional health. Keep it minimal though, like at birthdays and graduation. Youth need time to build a bond to whomever is leading them after you. Eventually, you can come back or interact on a healthy basis (unless there are ugly extenuating circumstances, then no.)

7) Keep looking forward. Look for what God is movin you towards in your ministry. The Holy Spirit has it all covered at your last church. He doesn’t need you there; He needs you where he’s sending you.

Feel free to add to this or ask questions.

Stephanie

TagsComments 3 View Comments May 9, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore PostsWhat NOT to do when you quit..or get fired. Its an art.

In 30 years of serving in church ministry, I’ve worked at 5 churches. Average: 6 years. Actually 3 of them were for 7-9 years…so that means a few of them were shorter term gigs. Whats up with that? Nah, I didn’t get fired – not from the short term ones. It was one of the lengthier terms? and it went? like this:? Them: “With our new pastor, we’re going in a different direction.” Me:? “That’s OK, I didn’t like working with him anyway.” And we left on relatively good terms…because I know how to leave and you need to know too.

Here’s my list of what NOT to do:

1) Don’t think you’ll get to plead and win your case in some unseen/unheld “Me vs Them” court. So just end? those convo’s in your head.

2) Senior Pastor always trumps youth pastor. You won’t win that either. Just leave.

3) Don’t take emotional prisoners. In other words, don’t discuss the details of the “me vs. them” with teenagers AT ALL.

4) Don’t start meeting off site with any form of your (soon-to-be)? former youth group. Your motives aren’t as pure as you think and its really not good for the kids.

5) When you pack up your office, don’t take anything with you didn’t personally pay for or wasn’t clearly a gift to you (vs a gift to the ministry). Take all your stuff with you in one shot; if you left anything behind – leave it.

6) Don’t stand up in church or a meeting or (God forbid!) youth group with any parting shots that you think the other side MUST hear. They won’t; at least not from you. If you’re in the right, The Spirit will take it from there.

7) DO NOT hold a grudge. Do whatever it takes through God’s Word and grace to set your heart right again. Its it means counseling, a retreat, begging at the Cross, AA mtgs, a change of scenery, daily talks with an accountability partner, whatever – do it!

This last one is where I’ve been stuck before and its painfully damaging.? There are? some? folks who I thought were really, truly friends and cared about me more than my position. But after? a series of circumstances,? I felt rejected and unwanted.? If left unchecked, feelings like these only lead to only hurting you (and others) deeper.

Next part: What you SHOULD? do when fired or quit a church.

Stephanie

TagsComments 2 View Comments May 7, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore PostsWHAT IT MEANS TO BE A YM PRO

Chris Yount Jones, Editor of Children’s Ministry Magazine at Group Publishing, posted a wonderful analogy of what it means to be a professional based on her trip to the nail tech. (If you can’t relate to a nail tech, insert car mechanic.) I asked her permission to “borrow” the post. Here’s what Chris had to say:? ? ?

I got acrylic nails today (yes, it is weird to type with them), but Abby was getting ready for prom so we had mother/daughter time at the nail salon. We were bonding.

And I was thinking…the gal who did my nails was a real professional. And it inspired me to think about what it means to be a ministry professional.

* She was quick because she was experienced. It’s the same kind of quick decision-making that happens when you stick in there in (youth) ministry and hone your skills.

* She knew exactly what to do when. A (youth ministry) Pro makes informed, quick decisions because they’ve made so many decisions, they know which will fail and which will succeed.

* She was adept with her tools and had them within easy reach. We don’t have to be able to do everything, but over time we become amazing with the tools we have. That’s a Pro!

* She took responsibility; she’d ask “am I hurting you?” (The pain came later…its weird). A (youth ministry) Pro doesn’t blame others for her actions. Oh, and she only nicked me twice. Not bad.

* She did great work. In the end, a Pro is known by the work produced. Is it excellent? Error-free? Polished to the nth degree? People will know you’re a Pro by the kind of ministry you create–what’s immediately visible…and in every hidden corner.

Today, strive to be? a Youth Ministry Pro!

And if you’d like a little extra help along the way, check out Group Magazine. I can tell you that I’ve depended on it for multi-decades to refine my ministry. It’s amazing!

Stephanie

TagsComments Add Comment April 25, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore PostsOUTTA CONTROL VOLUNTEERS

OUTTA CONTROL VOLUNTEERS?

The worst story I’ve ever heard about “volunteers gone wild” was at this past SYMC. One of my new small church friends shared with the class how one of her volunteers brought a tazor gun on a youth retreat!

Last in the series; here are? signs u MIGHT have an “OUTTA CONTROL VOLUNTEER:”

1) One of your guy volunteers asks if it’s ok if he sleeps in his bikini underwear on a youth retreat. (Another true story from my track at SYMC.) (This is a problem, btw.)

? 2) You have volunteers who’ve answered the call to hold up the walls of your youth room. Apparently, arms crossed is the official stance.

? 3) Two words: fanny pack

? 4) An adult? volunteer tells you after youth group that, “Tonight’s message didn’t meet my spiritual needs.” It was a lesson for middle-schoolers.?

5) Your volunteer asks if his parole officer can come with him on the mission trip…and are handcuffs on the approved items list?

6) You spend more time enforcing the discipline code with certain volunteers (than the kids) and it’s not easy getting them to stay in time-out.

? But seriously, ministry friends…volunteer management is probably the top most talked about topic among youth workers. What to do to avoid the above scenarios? It comes down to three things:?

1) TIME: The majority of your allotted ministry time should be spent on your volunteer team, training and equipping them. Make them the upfront stars; it maximizes the ministry effectiveness.?

2) TALENT: Use them in their skill sets. Don’t ask them to do what they’re not good at…it’s like asking me to do the crafts at VBS. Not my thing. I’d have the kids using the supplies to make projectile? objects. Otherwise you’re setting your volunteers up for failure. ?

? 3) TREASURE: This one sorta speaks for itself. Treasure your people. Affirm them really, really, really often. Give them stuff, little token gifts that say, “I treasure your time.” Well, I don’t mean you have to give them talking gifts; but that would be cool.

Stephanie

TagsComments 4 View Comments April 20, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore PostsOUTTA CONTROL CHURCH LEADERS?

R UR CHURCH LEADERS OUTTA CONTROL (about your ministry)?

Fourth of a five part series. This one?? Church leaders who oversee the youth ministry.? Does any of this sound all too familiar?

1) Instead of heading out for coffee after a church council meeting, u head straight for the Pepto.

2) Church bylaws are quoted more often than Scripture.

3) You get a phone call from the pastor and his/her first words sound like that famous line from Apollo 13, “Houston, we have a problem.”

4)? U keep a set of empty uhaul boxes in ur office just in case.?

5) Does the phrase “torch wielding villagers” mean anything to u? (Yes, I carried this over from the “parents” list. Still fits. Sad.)

What to do?

Pray. Ignore the negative stuff (politely) except for the direct leaders? u report to.? Be accused of over-communicating. Pray some more. Know the bylaws, but use Scripture instead – its hard to shoot the Word? down. Come to meetings rested and fed. Don’t negotiate with terrorists (the leaders who threaten you). Don’t be afraid to apologize. Don’t throw other people under the bus.? ?
My #1 piece of advice? When u have one of those days, get out ur box of cards/letters/notes from people who DO like you, think ur doing God’s work? and read urself right back into joy.

Stephanie?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

TagsComments 5 View Comments April 16, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore PostsR U PARENTS OUTTA CONTROL?

Part 3b: A plethura of? proposals? to the perplexing parent problem penned? in a previous posting

I’m putting it out there that at least 90% of ur parent problems would be cured with three things: communicate, communicate more and communicate ad nauseum.

COMMUNICATION TIPS:
1) Reveal every detail to parents. Let them choose what’s irrelevant.

2) Don’t deviate from the plan without a WELL publicized plan for deviation.

3) EVERY tiniest thing should be put in writing and given to ur direct supervisor. Let them choose what’s irrelevant.

4) Cc ur boss on every email interaction with a parent.

5) Parents need to know every policy: discipline, dress code, appropriate music, allowable electronics, ur ym’s theological stances (which must match the church’s, btw), purpose for everything that’s done in the program, financial/fundraising plans…and what u hope to accomplish in the life of their teen.

Well-informed parents can then hold u accountable and you can hold them accountable in return. If u can point to where they were informed on a certain subject, it takes the blame off ur shoulders. Believe me they’ll pay more attention from now on or at least be quiet.

The other 10% of problems with parents? Wackiness. Plain old weirdness.

Stephanie

TagsComments Add Comment April 11, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore PostsR UR PARENTS OUTTA CONTROL?

Third of a? five part series on “Outta Control?” YM;? today’s is based on the ? parents circling their wagons? around ur uth ministry.

Here’s what u need to ask urself:
1) Do u mysteriously hear helicopter sounds when certain over protective parents come hovering around?

2) Have a certain? parents threatened “Its him or us but somebody’s leaving the church!” and u really don’t care which it is as long as? the madness end?

3) Do u find an unusual need for “Proactive” right before and after Parent Meetings?

4) Have certain parental topics like the “bathing suit issue” become so hot, they have to be put in quotation marks??

5) Does the phrase “torch wielding villagers” mean anything to u?

6) Ever wished u worked with orphans?

Ok, I may be overreacting a little, but I’ve experienced each one of these things before. What to do? Come back tomorrow for part B of Part 3. A few answers that could help us all.

Stephanie

TagsComments 3 View Comments April 9, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore PostsFree Easter Season Resource

Hey, resources are tight on a little-to-no-budget, right? Here’s a free story/drama for you to use for the Easter season (from now till Pentecost Sunday). A few twists: make it? a spontaneous melodrama where the actors don’t know what they’re doing OR simply read it as a story using pictures on the? screen to fit the story. Click on the tab? above for the full version.

Stephanie

TagsComments Add Comment April 4, 2010
Previous 19 of 23 1415161718 20212223 Next