Stephanie CaroMore PostsNeed Your Input….on Church Leadership

Thanks for all the Volunters input. Now answer these for me:

1) What do you wish your church leadership knew/did about you and youth ministry?

2) What do you do to educate your church leadership?

3) How does your church leadership support the youth ministry?

Thanks SO much friends!

Stephanie

TagsComments 16 View Comments February 10, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore PostsI need to pick your brain…about volunteers

I’m preparing for my track at the Simply Youth Ministry Conference in two weeks. Each day this week, I’d like to gather data from you so I provide what we need the most. Answer as much or as little as u want.? Just answer in the comments;? doesn’t matter how big or small ur ministry is.

1) What’s your current ym cvolunteer situation? (how many, adults per youth, etc.)

2) What do you need to know to help your volunteers be/do better?

3) How do u utilize ur volunteers?

Stephanie Caro

Thriving Youth Ministries in Smaller Churches at SYMC, 2/26-3/1

TagsComments 31 View Comments February 8, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore Posts#1 “What WAS I Thinking?” YM Moment:

Here it is (drum roll, please.) No, I mean it. Do it right there where ur sitting ’cause I’ve certainly shown u what a goof I am. Quid Pro Quo time.

Disclaimer: This was my first uth ministry gig and I volunteered. My hubby and I were 20 years old, breathing and church members in this little church in a sub of Chi-town. Apparently back in…a year with a 9 and an 8 in it, that WAS a yp’s job description. (Ironically, some churches still think that’s all it takes today.)

There were no background checks. There were no conferences. There were no nationally known mags. No CCM bands; Keith Green was barely on the scene. Stryper and Petra wouldn’t be around for like 10 years yet.

Our denom was sponsoring a uth weekend ski event in Lake Geneva, WI. We would sleep at a local college and ski at a place known as The Playboy Club.

Me, hubby, another couple from the church and some kids headed out. I can’t tell u how many teens; not sure I ever counted. No permission or med forms either. And we didn’t need no stinkin’ seat belts!

It gets worse. Lights out came and our kids were all in their dorm rooms. But we adults weren’t sleepy. What to do?

Did I mention my hubby and I were 20 and temporarily in WI? Which back in those days had a certain age limit of only 18 for consuming certain type beverages. The four of us checked on the kids; they looked asleep…so we went into town to shoot some pool and “whatever.”

At least we weren’t gone THAT long; maybe an hour. We shot one game and headed back. Can u believe our kids were not in their rooms?! Imagine that. Neither were several of the conference adult leaders. Is it bad for a group to get sent home because the adults broke the rules?

Epiloge: All our kids were fine and? still got to ski – at least I think they did since i? didn’t know to do any check-ins during the day. We adults? apologized profusely and promised we’d never do anything like it again (which I haven’t). I did get in trouble with the Sr. Pastor… who was also my dad. The guy in the other couple is now a big time county sheriff.

I told u it was bad.

Moral of the story: We know better today. No excuse for dumb stuff like this when so many youth ministry pioneers have blazed the way to teach us better. So with your students, don’t take chances. Do the right thing. Watch them like a hawk. Love them like Jesus.?

Stephanie
PS-in case ur wondering, I’m not proud of these stories. I regret the mistakes. Praise God, the frequency has lessened as the years have passed. Maybe I did learn a little something along the way and I hope u did, too.

TagsComments Add Comment February 5, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore Posts#2 on my countdown of stupidity in YM

Practical jokes aren’t always practical.?

I can honestly say it wasn’t my idea. A group of us youth workers were on the faculty for a week at a Christian camp. I can’t remember why it got started but I can remember who started it: the ordained elder senior pastor in the group who shall remain nameless but some of you reading this? know EXACTLY who I mean.? ?

We were hanging out at the pool while the campers were at Rest Hour. He-who-shall-not-be-named Sr. Pastor said, “Let’s play a trick on the camp leader. We’ll call on the pool emergency phone and say I broke my leg down here at the pool. When he comes running, we’ll bomb him with these here water balloons.” Balloons were filled, broken leg was staged and call was made.?

Four things we didn’t take into consideration when “in the moment” of? prank-planning:? ? ? ?

1) The camp leader’s brand new boss was sitting in his office for said leader’s? first evaluation.? ? 2) Hurricane Erin was less than 24 hours from landfall. 3) It was also Special Needs Camp week; always a challenge. 4) A 911 call would be placed.

? Four things I learned that day:

1) A camp radio CAN bust into a million pieces when slammed on concrete by an upset camp leader. 2) I now know what “a few choice words” means. 3) No, I am not too old to ground myself to my camp room without any supper. 4) There aren’t enough late night sundaes at the local Denny’s to make the shame go away (though several of us involved tried).? ? ?

Epilogue:

1) Its still referred to today in hushed tones as “the incident.” I bet several of you (who were involved and have been waiting for this story) are surprised that it’s not #1 on the countdown list of my worst youth ministry moments. How bad could #1 be? Pretty bad. You’ll see.? ? 2) And yet, I still get asked back to? speaker at that camp. God (and the camp leader) is merciful.?

Moral of the story: ? Be practical and just don’t do it. Set someone else up to do it if you must and watch from afar, but just don’t do it yourself.

Stephanie

TagsComments 2 View Comments February 4, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore Posts#3 “What Was I Thinking?” YM Moment

Dear Friends,?

If you’re looking for a funny story tonight…come back tomorrow and the next day because the last two in this series are ridiculously goofy-stupid. What WAS I thinking?!?

Tonight’s ministry blog is more along the lines of a cathartic confession.?

My most painful heart-spot in youth ministry so far? How I treated my interns and key volunteers when I was a younger, “hot-shot” youth pastor. Among the five churches I’ve served over 30 years, I served a couple of the largest youth ministries in my denom in FL and? had the big head to go with it. To quote Hermione Granger from H.P. movie fame, “What an idiot!”?

Some of you reading this know exactly what I’m talking about because you suffered through it. Just know this: if I could change the past, I would move heaven and earth to take back what I said or didn’t say, did or didn’t do. PLEASE know that I deeply regret those times. I didn’t value or respect you like I should have. I do now, believe me. I hope you will forgive me.?

Moral of the story: Ah, if I knew then what I know now…but that’s the rub. We don’t know “then” what we know “now” unless we’re smart enough to learn from someone older and wiser. Cool young youth guy/chick youth pastor, you’re not “all that and a candy bar.” If you’re wondering if you qualify, then you probably do just a little.?

Jesus was the ONLY one who could claim “hot shot” pastor bragging rights and yet He never did. He let His team lead while He served. Sure He took His turn at teaching, but He also sent His volunteers out to share the good news. Jesus wasn’t above getting food ready for the team. He treated His interns with respect and love, empowering them for greatness. He would do wash prep work so His people could sit and relax after a long ministry day.? ? ?

Treat your people like gold. Affirm them and do it often. Surprise them by highlighting their gifts and talents. Allow them to shine and share their version of The Story. You’re not the only one who can preach and teach. Maybe it’s your turn to do the dishes or cook. Equip and empower. The occasional gifts or special dinners in their honor don’t hurt, either.?

If you’re worried that accomplishing the above will take too much time away from “real” ministry to your kids, don’t. Your students will learn a WAY greater lesson about the love of Jesus by watching how you love your “disciples.”?

Trust me on this one, young Skywalker.

Yoda

TagsComments 1 View Comments February 3, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore Posts#4 “What Was I Thinking” YM Moment:

Manhunt…the game youth legends are made of. If you’ve not played Manhunt in your church with your youth, then you’ve not lived the true youth ministry experience. Some churches openly embrace the Manhunt phenom. In others,? you may have to? resort to the underground “leave no fingerprints” version so no old ladies are harmed by heart attacks in the making of this production.?

I was serving at a church which viewed? Manhunt as? an American teenage right. It was perfectly OK to open? the doors to all four buildings (with strategically placed adult supervision, of course) and let 75 youth? run amuck.?

I must brag a little: I ROCK at Manhunt! I am a good hider and can stay quiet for a longtime. (I know what ur thinking and just shush!). No real athletic skill is needed for professional level Manhunt.? It takes cunning, creativity and a slightly evil mind -? three qualities? I possess. Just what you’re looking for when hiring a youth pastor.?

Unless said youth pastor was up all night the night before at a Christian Music festival called “Night of Joy.”?

Because of Saturday night’s big event,? we’d decided to make our youth group the next night a? casual night thus the massive game of Ultimate Manhunt. I’d been scoping out some fresh hiding places for weeks; little known places here and there? I was pretty certain the youth wouldn’t come ANYWHERE? near. Like a cleaning closet.

The game began.? I headed up a back way into a little known closet filled with children’s choir robes. It didn’t hurt that the bottom of the closet had recently been lined with old bell table foam pieces. In I crawled and? began to listen for the sounds of stomping, stinky feet.?

I woke up about an hour later, still undiscovered. No harm done. ?

Or so I thought…until the next day when the Director of Music started practicing on the pipe organ. Apparently,? my absence the night before had escalated the hunt., sending certain? kids into a frenzy? looking for my undisclosed location.? At some point of time, it seemed like a good idea to three of the kids to? get an extension ladder and climb up into the back of the pipes to see if I could be? hiding there. A 24″ wide space about 20′ up which just happened to contain? all the delicate pipe work and bellows, etc. They walked along the space, I wasn’t there and they climbed back down. 24″ wide and 20′ up and they were looking for me there? Please.

? It only took $1200, a one-on-one-on-one with me/Sr. P./Dir.of M., a report at the Administrative Board meeting with a unanimous banning of Manhunt and a few weeks of personal head-hanging shame for the next few “sans pipe organ”? Sundays for the matter to resolve itself.?

Moral of the story: I’d like to hear your moral to the story. I’m not sure I’ve learned my lesson.? I? still play manhunt; just took a different church to do it in.

S

Comments 5 View Comments February 2, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore Posts#5 in my countdown, “What Was I Thinking?” YM Moments

Halloween? has never? been a good holiday for me in ministry.? Every fall, I fear? I’ll step once again? into the proverbial? pile of steaming pumpkin pulp.? ?

Here’s a list of 5 things? I wouldn’t do (again)? during October…which may or may not end with what some may or may not call a holiday that may or may not glorify something or someone other than God.? (I feel like? throwing-up just typing this sentence. I’m gonna? get? letters;? I just know it.)

1) “Danger, Danger, Will Robinson!” Word of advice: don’t? invite a practicing wiccan to talk with your youth group. Trust me on this.? (#epic fail: Should have asked the pastor and parents first. They would have said “no,” btw.)

2) Seemed like a good idea at the time: I guess showing a clip from a Harry Potter movie during worship was? a poor choice.? (#epic fail: Other clips would have worked? just as well and I would have avoided offending a few people.)

3) Perhaps it wasn’t? wise of a much younger me to tell a Sunday school class of? youth parents? that they were? sinners? for taking their kids trick-or-treating.? (#epic fail? for lack of? wisdom and respect for my elders? in matters that were none of my business.)

4) Equally? unwise to tell the preschool director and all her teachers that the preschool wasn’t? a godly place? because they decorated for Halloween. (see #epic fail above. Same year;? I was going through an exceptionally judgemental early 30′s phase.)

5)? WAY over-the-edge? LAME? idea!! For? the? first big event in your first? yuth ministry? PAYING job,? don’t go too far the other way? in fear of celebrating All Saint’s Eve? by making your alternative? event a “Come Dressed As Your Favorite Reformation Character” party instead.? ? (I don’t even need to say why this was? an epic fail.)?

Moral of the story: Get the flu somewhere around 10/29 and don’t get? better till? 11/1.

Teaser for tomorrow’s story in one word:? MANHUNT.

S

TagsComments 2 View Comments February 1, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore Posts#6 of My Top “What Was I Thinking?” Youth Ministry Moments

(Part 2 in a series of 7. Check? daily? for? another? insight into? brilliant moves I’ve made? over 30 years in ministry to students.? Imagine, each day’s story? gets dumber from here.)

We were some hot stuff, our Sr. High Youth Mission Team. We went to Habitat every 4th Saturday of the month so? we had MAD skills. So hot, we’d traveled as far as our UM Children’s Home on a district mission trip to do gardening and put up some kinda storage unit! We were BAD. (Which was good and a relevant term back then? thanks to MJ)? ?

Then we got wind of this new thing: youth groups all over the country had begun? going on trips to do? home repair stuff, wheelchair ramps, roofing, etc. Sounded studly to our group so we decided? we wanted to ride the wave of this new thing.? (It was the early 90′s) (don’t roll ur eyes at me)

The ensuing? madness was no one’s fault but the leader’s – me. We didn’t need? a fancy? youth mission? organization? because we knew as much as they did, so? let’s save? money. I found a small home-grown organization? running home repair? camps? out of their church.? We? set off in the “caution: church van”,? power tools in the back, ready to build us somethin’.

Let me cut the story short and? bullet point the epic fails:

1) MOST STUDENTS (and one certain leader) WILL OVERESTIMATE THEIR SKILL LEVELS ON THE INFO FORM: On a scale of 1-4 (being the highest), ? I think we averaged? ourselves a 4.5 in all areas. Thus we were left ALONE? at? a mobile home site to build a wheelchair ramp, install? a door,? and remove/replace several rotting foundation boards under the trailer. ? Epic fail #1.

2) NO SITE COACH OR NO WORK DESCRIPTION IS A BAD THING:? I never thought to ask if there would be site supervisors (like at Habitat) to tell us what to do, where to cut, and do the icky things we didn’t want to do.? I also didn’t ask if there would be any instructions on how we were to do what we were assigned to do.? Epic fail #2.

3) DON’T BE A SMART ALECK WHEN HOLDING A? POWER SAW: I was terrified? by this point into the trip. We were in WAY over our heads and I had no idea what I was doing. I was scared to let the youth use the power saw since none of us had ever really? done it unsupervised before. I lectured them on the safety of it all, turned the saw on to? demonstrate…and sawed through the power cord. Epic fail #3.

4) DON’T USE A CAR JACK TO PROP UP THE? ENTIRE BACK CORNER OF? A DOUBLE-WIDE:? One of those? rotting foundation boards wouldn’t budge from up top so the only way to get at it was to shimmy underneath the trailer and pull it out from there.? The trailer sat too low due to the rotting and needed to be propped up thus our decision to use the church van’s? car jack. Being the leader, I was quickly elected to shimmy into the dark, creepy place. The car jack didn’t break till after I’d already scooted? back out. Epic fail #4 (use of the car jack). Epic success? for God’s grace on an idiot? youth leader.

#5) IS A WHEELCHAIR RAMP? SUPPOSED TO BE AT? A? 45 DEGREE ANGLE?? Thank God the mud puddle at the bottom of the ramp stopped the forward momentum? of the homeowner as she took her first ride on the ramp.? Epic fail #5.

Oh, and I was the only adult on this trip and on the crew. Guess that’s #6.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Unless you REALLY know what you’re doing on a mission trip – use the pro youth mission organizations. They’re worth what you think you could do cheaper yourself. I’ve tried several? and am a raving fan of Group Workcamps Foundation.

Tomorrow:? An event? referred to only as? “Oh, THAT Halloween.”

S

PS-Thanks, Krystie, for reminding me what years of therapy? had blocked out.?

TagsComments 4 View Comments January 31, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore Posts#7 of my top 7 “what was I thinking?” YM moments

After 30 years of working with teenagers, there were? so many choices!? After way too much discussion, here’s what my hubby and I decided on together. (He enjoyed it a little too much.)? ?

#7 – MOST EMBARRASSING SPEAKING SLIP:

I was the? speaker? for evening worship at a week-long summer camp? for about 200 Sr. High students. It was only Monday and? so the night’s? theme? was still preparing? them? for the”Come to Jesus” night later on in the week.? Monday was all about? how much God loves us just the way we are;? pimples, hormones? and all.

To emphasize how God views and values us differently than the world often does,? I wanted the students? to know that God doesn’t care about how we look,? if we’re famous,? whether we’re rich or athletic.? Good thing to know, right? (Teens still need to hear this.)?

For those of you who’ve been? in youth ministry a little longer than some, remember when Tom Cruise was still cool and showing clips from his movies was a good thing? You know? that clip from the beginning of MI:2 (I think its 2) when Tom’s rock climbing up a? mountain? being all cool?? He swings from one rock to another and the camera zooms in on his blue eyes.? You have to admit, he was a pretty boy before the couch-jumping Oprah incident.? ?

So let me set that night’s? worship scene:? We’re? in this historical chapel and its late at night. The lights are dimmed low? and the band? finished leading us in awesome music.? I? get up to intro my message with Scripture and? then set the scene for the video clip. We watch it;? afterwards, there’s a hush in the room.? I had them eating right out of my hand. How would I tie it all together??

So…..what I MEANT to say next was, “To the world, Tom seems like? the total package: looks, money, fame.” In that quiet, dark chapel moment with 200 HS’ers – what came out instead was:? “Tom Cruise has a great package.”? ? ? ?

There was just NO recovering from there.? ? #7 Epic? fail.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Never use the word “package” in any of your messages. Just don’t do it. Oh, and now I wouldn’t advise using a Tom Cruise clip either;? doesn’t connect like it once did.?

Dial back in Monday? (sometime after midnight) for #6:? “My Dumbest Mission Trip Moment.”? ? ?

Stephanie – the Queen of Speak before Think (which is bad.)

Comments 8 View Comments January 30, 2010

Stephanie CaroMore PostsIn a Rural-Area Ministry?

Here’s an encouraging? post from my friend, Mike Hammer, an expert in living out youth ministry in a rural area. You’ll meet him at the Simply Youth Ministry Conference 2010 in Chicago? the end of February.

If you’ve ever been somewhere “rural” before, you know that it’s entirely different than anywhere else.? Trees stand taller than most buildings and the closest Starbucks is, well, not in your town.? Truth is, your setting does impact your ministry.? It’s easy to look at larger churches with their lights, sound systems, screens, ? computers, hang out area, and feel slightly jealous.

? Rural youth ministry can bring some pretty unique challenges.? Smaller budgets, ? smaller staff, smaller schools.? You have a smaller population spread over a larger area.? I know youth workers who drive a van for over an hour just to pick up teens for youth group.? Conversations I’ve had lately have been dealing with rural communities being sports-driven.?

? The truth is, you’ve got to be creative.? Teens in rural locations need to know Christ like teens anywhere else.? Location and size DOES NOT equal significance!? ? Here’s the approach to take with your setting:

1) What are the disadvantages of our setting??

2) What are the benefits??

3) What isn’t working?

4) What is working?

5) How can we make the most of what we have?

? If you’re in a rural ministry, hear me: what you are doing matters!? And you are not alone.?

Want to be part of the conversation?? Go to symcconnect.com and join my Rural Ministry group for networking and conversation with others serving just like us.? If you’re coming to the conference,? check out the Rural Youth Ministry Affinity Group.?

Comments Add Comment January 27, 2010
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